User Manual
Things worth knowing
Tell me how you like to work and I'll match it. Step by step, and I'll follow it exactly. Hand me something ambiguous and let me figure it out, and I'm just as happy. What I can't stand is being given no room and then told I can't handle ambiguity.
I reply when I've seen it and have a moment — within three days at the outside. That's for anyone I already have a relationship with; in rare cases you'll need one more follow-up before I answer, and I'll tell you why. If it's late or not urgent, I'll schedule my reply to land in your morning.
Large events don't do much for me: conferences, mixers, parties with a hundred people. I'd rather meet one on one. When it's practical, in person beats video, and video beats a call — I want to see your face.
What makes it work
I do the homework before we talk, and I notice when you do. I spend a long time on your background and come with questions I actually thought about. When someone has clearly done the same for me, I know immediately.
Closeness comes from time. Frequency is optional. Occasional follow-ups, or something steady we do together — working on the same problem, playing on the same court. Going months without talking doesn't bother me. I check in with people I've connected with at least once a year.
Ask me directly. If you need something, say it, no preamble. With people I don't know well I'd rather build the relationship before I ask for anything myself. When we talk I'm usually thinking about what I could help you with.
Tell me your read on me, even when it's not flattering. It won't make me defensive. I'll sit with it, and either give you an honest explanation or take it and change something. The version I can't do anything with is the one you keep to yourself.
I keep track of what you like — your preferences, the things you mentioned once. It comes back in conversation, and in gifts.
Deal breakers
Going quiet on me, repeatedly, with no explanation. This is about people I already have a relationship with, not cold outreach. I'll send the original message and follow up twice — about a week apart by email, three days apart by DM. By the third one with no reply, it genuinely gets to me.
Inflated claims. Name-dropping, hinting at access you don't have, telling me how much weight you carry.
One last thing: if you say something like we should get dinner sometime and it never happens, I won't hold it against you — I know a pleasantry from a promise. But say something specific — a coffee next week, an invite to a particular event — and I'll expect it. When I say those same things, I mean them literally: an update, a dinner, a batch of egg tarts. Sometimes later than I meant, but I make sure it happens.